This way please
Over there please
Thanks
Trying to be the chef again?
Of course, it's my turn
You're dreaming
Long or short?
Short
Watch out of my father-in-law
I don't believe this
It's delicious
What about me?
Everybody will get one free
Don't bother with him
Go
I'll kill you!
You're back, boss
Get the things inside
Yes
Uncle
What are you up to this time?
Nothing
My cooking is first class
To cut the lobster into four pieces
Is something only I can do
This way please
Why all zeroes?
Because I'm buying you dinner
When will you treat me to the movies?
Some day
Don't talk about the future
The future doesn't exist
Don't talk about the past either
lt, too,
doesn't exist
Only the present counts
For it is eternity
I'll call you tonight then
What's your name?
Johnny
What's yours?
Sophia
I'll see you then
Bye, Sophia
Good-bye!
Bye, Johnny
Bye, Sophia
You'd better take notes
Bye!
Watch your steps
How long has he been back?
Very long
Don't let him carry his rifle in
You are great
You bought pretty girls dinner
And demonstrated your knife techniques
Why don't you give me a show too?
Come on
Where has your showmanship gone?
Come on
You're worse than a new employee
Right here
Go back to work
Losing your eyebrow isn't so bad
It's bad when you're not aware of it
You ungrateful fool
You fled from China with only your underpants
Who's been taking care of you?
And your 103 years old grandfather?
All you care is...
fooling around
Chasing after broads
I let you marry my daughter
I've ruined my daughter's life
Look at your sloppy self
You're a bonafide loser
I also came to Hong Kong with...
only my pants
But I worked hard
Where's the ointment?
Get me the ointment
Are you all right?
Your father-in-law is a bully
It looks aweful, put a Band-aid on
I have to go to the restroom
His pity
His father-in-law bullies him all the time
Don't let him hear you
Ying,
this is a good delivery exercise
Forget it
I've been married seven years
I haven't got a single child
As your best friend I should warn you
Maybe your husband is fooling around
Keep an eye on him
I am
I wouldn't even have a female cat as a pet
That's smart
He can bring her into the bathroom
And God knows what they could be doing
He's at the Playboy Club again?
You ruined...
my expensive ginseng tea
Do you need any help?
Let me use your dog
Give ma a sock of your husband's
Let's go
15
Nothing
Lost again
Drink
Susan
My dog can't stand the smell of the sock
My husband won't have that anymore
Athletic foot?
No, his foot
Mr. Huang is downstairs
Thanks
Mr. Huang, a call for you
Thank you
Hello, Che?
Cover me
Come down, you idiot
He'd bite off my leg if I did that
Then you wouldn't have athletic feet anymore
Come down
No
Sandy
Bring Sandy to the bathroom
Go
Grandfather
What are you doing?
The herb medicine is for my rheumatism
Why don't you do it in the kitchen?
Ying doesn't like that
These herbs are no good
I'll get you some good ones
You act like a thief at home
And a lover away from home
That's not ture
Ying lost her mother...
when she was eight
And had a boyfriend at twenty-eight
Did she have a boyfriend?
That was you
I thought you were an ambitious man
So I let you take care of the restaurant
But you've disappointed me...
so much
I warn you,
if you fool around again...
Go
This ginseng costs $5,000 a gram
It can cure even cancer,
not to mention rheumatism
You stole it from Ying
Ying's my wife,
I just took it from her
All right
Does it smell good?
Let me kiss you
Daydreaming again
What future can you have?
I'm going hunting, take care of business
I'm very good at tennis
I'm very bad
I'll teach you
Tennis requires talent
I have never lost a match
Talent is...
an abstract entity
One needs a strong arm to play tennis
A strong arm...
comes from training
One would lose if one didn't train enough
So concentrate on training your arm
Hand me the vegetables
You teach me then
Sure
Are you leaving?
Yes
Cooks only serve normal customers,
not VIPs
Are you a chef?
Concentrate on your arm
Just right
This isn't a circus,
my friend
This show's free, you shouldn't be complaining
You may eat everything up
It's your own fault
Nothing's in focus
You have three nostrils!
I must be suffering from concussion
Is it your contact lenses?
My contact lenses?
What contact lenses?
They're on your turner
What?
Right there
I thought they're lobster shells
Get yourself a new pair
They cost two thousand dollars
That's no big deal
Why do they call you The Archers?
Because we serve like a flying arrow
Can you teach us?
Of course
One needs a good arm for tennis
Can't we have something else to eat?
Don't you know Hong Kong's 3 bests?
Frog legs
Ham
Lobster legs
Let me teach you how to eat this
Just like ice cream. Delicious!
I'll teach you again
You should thank me for teaching you
Sisi,
the trick to tennis is the arm
Follow through with...
your shoulder
Like Bruce Lee playing his Nunchakus
The trick to tennis is the wrist
The same way...
one handles a frying pan
Do you play tennis?
She and I are champions every year
They call us The Duo
What does that mean?
That they're gay
Have you ever won a cup?
Cup?
This one is for the 1981 game
This one is for 1982
They are for dwarfs
I use the 1983 cup as a trash can
You can't play tennis with thin arms
Thin arms?
His arms are thin
Shall we wrestle out who's stronger?
That would be a good show
Why not?
Don't burn yourself
Let's make sure it'd really burn
Go
Pierre, you can do it
Ointment!
Will you be ready for...
the tennis match?
I'll practise with...
100 onions a day
What are you doing?
Peeling onions
You've made the floor a mess
It goes easier with a frying pan
It hits easier with a frying pan too
Clean the mess up
The onions are...
all over the floor
Your father-in-law has been doing it...
for thirty years
Can I use your eyebrows?
To do what?
I want to practise shaving them
They're my eyebrows, not my whiskers
Evebrows are whiskers above the eyes
Nonsense
Che,
who's your most understanding friend?
You are
Who's the only man willing to...
lend you money?
You are
And you won't let me shave...
a few of your whiskers?
Don't do it
Stand still
Be careful
Did I shave them off?
They are still there
I'm tired
Can I have a drink?
You're quite an impressionist
I'm a realist
Sure
You're a good painter
What's wrong?
Sandy has to go to the bathroom
Bring her in
Take your time
What are you cooking, ginseng?
I'm saving this for my birthday
I forgot how old you are
I don't remember either
When's your birthday then?
The day people sweep graves
I'll celebrate your birthday when I sweep graves
I'll live to 100
You've lived past that
Yes, I almost forgot
I've got a tennis game waiting
You'd better go
Take care of Sandy
Where's my tennis outfit?
Over there
It's very elegant
Come on
Take a look
Come on
Look, it's very elegant
Head
Tail
The Archers on that side
Have you brought masks?
What for?
To hide your faces...
when you lose
Are you speaking for yourselves?
Good
Are you all right?
Do you know how to play?
Just hang in there
You belong to the circus
Right through the legs
Right on the head
Are you all right?
That's called a running hit
Go home
There's no need to keep scores
Drink this first
Should we handicap ourselves with a chair?
Let's do that anyway
We're handicapping ourselves
The racket is busted though
Use your frying pan
Serve
I'm scaring my opponent
I'm making him mad
He's running like a yoyo
And he ends up on the floor
Does it hurt?
Of course it does
Need some ointment?
It hurts
That's called a runing hit
Serve
Here it goes again
Right here
This is a game point
Wrong side of the net. You lost
The Duo won the game
Johnny, your pan techniques are wonderful
That's how
I won my cups
Next week, I'd like to...
Sandy can't stay in the bathroom forever
What time is it?
I'll call you
Goodbye, my friend
There's no need for a mask
It's beautiful
I'll be better still
Sandy's through
Whaat took you so long?
Get back over there
What's that on your head?
This one?
That's the halo above Christ
The halo
Whose hair is that?
Yours
My hairs are much longer
You lost that hair last week
It smells ginseng to me
What?
Can't you smell ginseng?
Of course not,
you're daydreaming
Go back to sleep
What are you doing there, old man?
It smells ginseng, open the door
Did you hear me?
What should we do?
Open the door
What the hell are...
you doing?
Do you hear me or not?
Open the door
Open up
Are you opening the door or not?
Where does the smell come from?
It's from Korea
What are you doing there?
Enjoying the view
How's the view then?
Very mundane
Go to hell
It's you, Sally
I've brought you 2 new items...
from my shop
I was looking for you at lunch time
Did you go ahead and have lunch?
Of course not
Come and take a look
What happened to Johnny?
He broke his leg
while peeping on the spinster
The spinster next door?
You pervert
She's prettier than you
Don't waste your time with him
He's a bonafide pervert
I have a date with Sisi...
at the disco
Are you kidding me?
I'll wait for you downstairs...
for one minute
It looks nice on me
Real nice
It fits you perfect
It's pretty
What's up?
Bathroom time for Sandy
Bring him in
Let's dance
Che, are you all right?
Let's go
Come catch me
Come, right here
Come
Hey, man, are you all right?
Where are my contact lenses?
You're so clumsy
We're of the same root, help me
We sing...
the same songs
Aren't we of the same root?
Then help me beat him up
Go
I lost my lenses
So?
That's the one
And him too
Thank you, brothers
Are you all right, Johnny?
I'm fine
I feel secure when you're around
The present is...
Time to go home
The present is eternity
Oh my God, time's up
You said you weren't afraid of your wife
Why can't you stay longer?
It's not my wife
I've to help my grandfather to the bathroom
lf...
Really?
He's 104 years old
Johnny
Bye
Will you go to...
the Philippines with me next week?
The Philippines?
Yes,
to the Island of Sulu
I'll buy you coconut juice if you come
Coconut juice?
Johnny, Johnny...
Are you coming?
Of course I am
Open up
Did you hear me?
They're looking for you
What happened to your face?
I was in a fight
Get in
It's almost been an hour
What are you up to? Open up
Don't scare me
Johnny, Johnny
Answer me
Is Sandy all right?
Come out now
Open up
Don't scare me, please
Would he be taking a bath?
Come out right away
Open up
What happened?
The heater exploded
Oh my poor Sandy
How did that happen?
Let me find out what triggered it
Have a piece of cake
Honey
There's a witch doctor in Sulu
He can cure infertility
We haven't been able to have a baby
Not we, you
I want to go with Che...
to see him
He really gave birth to so many kids?
That's why...
Filipino labour comes so cheap
You'd better book your seats
I hate to travel
Philippine Airlines
Reservation for two to Manila
Both misters?
Yes
That's great
Right
Che's going, why don't we go too?
Sure
Book two more seats for Sally and me
But we are going into the wild jungles
Sally wants to go
They don't even have toilet papers there
We can bring our own
Book the seats
My wife and her friend are coming along too
How sad
Yes
I'm coming along to do some hunting
But we are going into the wild jungles
Where else do you go hunting?
Downtown? Book my seat
My father-in-law is coming along
How depressing
Yes
Is your mother coming along too?
I want to go
Book a seat for my grandfather
Che, this is delicious
You must eat something
Coffee or tea?
You brought your grandfather?
My weakness is I'm a nice guy
Is that your wife?
This is her bonus...
for putting up with my temper
See you at the hotel
See you later
Coffee or tea?
Are you all right?
I'm fine
He did it
Do you know you have mismatched eyebrows
Really?
I fixed it
Son of the dragon
Captain
Where's my wig?
Anybody injured?
Isn't that it?
The wig's over there
Please sit down, Miss
Where's my wig?
My wig!
My wig flew away
A wig
God sent you this wig
It's beautiful
It's so hot that I feel dizzy
Let's get a cab
Are you blind?
This is my territory
What are you trying...
to prove?
I'll kill you
How dare you?
Taxi
Don't crowd yourself all over me
You've still got room on your side
None of your business
I envy him
How dare you envying another man?
$100 for riding...
in this piece of junk?
This a Filipino highlight
Dumb
It's inclusive of a seafood lunch
He'll take you on...
an island tour this afternoon
I'll go see the witch doctor
This clown again?
Don't underestimate him
He's a man of...
many trades
He's even a midwife
Tell him either he behaves...
or I'll shoot him
Behave yourself,
or he'll shoot you
Bye
Don't wander around
Have a nice time
Don't be too late
Bye
Does it smell orange?
Sure does
Let's go for a plane ride!
Wonderful!
It costs a fortune though
This used to be...
Gen. MacArthur's plane
The best in the Philippines
The best!
A short wing increases the speed
Right
Rockets don't even have wings
Right
Don't worry, one wheel will do
One wheel will do
Don't you worry
You have a life buoy beneath you
Put it over you and blow it up
Blow this shell...
like a horn for help
Use it to stab sharks if there are any
Stab it, stab it
Don't worry, one engine will do
One engine will do
Oh my God
Don't worry, we can do with no engines
No, we'll die with no engines
You forgot to unplug it
Are we lost?
No
Where are we going then?
Right into the sea
Do you think sharks will come?
Sharks never come by in my thirty years of swimming
Where do you usually swim?
In the pool
Christ
Did you touch me?
No
What feels so rough?
Did you touch me?
No, did you?
No
Stab it
Let's swim ashore
It's too far for me
I'll get you some help then
Wait for me, are you crazy?
The fortune teller said
I'd die in bed
A water bed?
This is home made cooking
My wife did it herself
For a hundred US dollars
This is the best the Philippines can offer
For $100? I'll kill you
Sally, this is delicious
What's that?
Filipino cockroach
It's delicious
She took my wig
It's mine
Give it back to me
Give it back to her
Dad
How dare you bullying my daughter?
The fortune teller was right
He also said I'd find a girl
Johnny
Sisi
Such big mosquitoes?
They are enormous
That's nice
Terrific
This is better, come take a look
What do you think?
This is the best
Help!
Where are we now?
We're on the beach
Get rid of the idiot who's chasing me
Go away, kids
Good
This is better
Do you like this melon?
Jesus Christ
Give me a lift
Do you have dollars?
No
Forget it then
Give me a lift
Can you give me a lift?
Get on
Thanks
Watch out, the hut may collapse
Are you all right?
Johnny
Sisi
What's the matter,
are you exhausted?
Hai, Hai
Hit it harder
Moan and yell. Louder
Louder, don't stop
Your turn
1, 2, 3
Come, don't be shy
Jim
Your turn
Come, pretty girl
Are you through, Jim?
I've done it
I've shaved his eyebrows
Johnny, Johnny
Sisi
Johnny
Sisi
That's called House on a Tree
I did it, I shaved his eyebrows
That native looks familiar
Yes, he looks familiar
You couldn't...
have met him before
That's right
That native lives in your house
Johnny, what are you doing up there?
Who's that beside you?
That's the witch doctor
The witch doctor?
That's her
Doesn't look right
She doesn't like fortune telling
You said you weren't afraid of your wife
I don't want to...
break her heart
She may kill herself
Where's the witch doctor?
What game are you playing?
She only...
diagnoses adopted children
Why are they kneeling there?
This is the adoption ceremony
Where's the medicine?
Wait
Eat this cherry
and you'll have babies
She has 108 children
108?
That's the honest to God truth
These cherries? I don't believe it
I'll buy you a drink
Where?
My room
I have to go to the bathroom
Go ahead
I'm going now
With you here, the present is eternity
The past is bygone
It's only a video tape in our brains
Did I appear in...
that tape often?
More often than I could count
Sisi, open the door
Johnny would kill me
I don't belong to him
He won't kill you, he'll kill me
Sisi, Sisi
Go sleep with your wife
Listen to me
Sisi
I'm only...
a witch doctor
Hear me out first
Why two water melons?
One is for you
How did you know I'd come?
I'm so touched,
Sisi
A plane crash didn't kill us
The sharks couldn't kill us
You're my real friend
I feel like the present is eternity
The past is only a video tape in our brains
It doesn't exist
The future hasn't taken place yet
So the present is...
What are you doing here?
She's serving me water melon
Water melon?
Right
You were eating water melon?
Open up
Cover me
Johnny, I saw you entering this room
Where's Johnny?
He didn't come
He didn't?
This is my girl friend Sisi
Uncle
You're as bad as Johnny
Che,
what jobs had you had before your father died?
A watchman
You were arrested as a robbery accomplice. What else?
A projectionist
You were arrested for showing porno films
What else?
A freight agent
You were arrested for heroin trafficking
Uncle
Are you acting...
as a pimp tonight?
Don't say things like that
Move over
I can't turst you
two with the restaurant
Hurry up
Are you all right?
Uncle
I'll shoot him if I find him
Be careful
Are you all right?
You can have the water melon
I don't want it
I'm not in the mood of eating
Che
Get lost, both of you
Are you mad at me?
Don't be silly
She said she's bored and needed company
I didn't want to waste the opportunity
I just don't think
life has meaning
I have to climb windows
to go out
Because you're married
You're like...
a bird in a cage
Are you bachelors having it much better?
No, you've got a wife to look after you
But when two birds are in the same cage
They'll fight...
from time to time
And you've got that bird at home
What's that?
Your father-in-law
Didn't you say eternity?
That's for conning girls
What's eternal is our frustration
Meal time
Try the hot dogs
Let me kiss you
Daydreaming again?
I'm just...
taking a break
I've never...
taken a break
Bring this home and
make Ying some soup
I caught you this time
So...
you were stealing my ginseng
Are you all right?
He stole my ginseng
He didn't, I took it
Then you stole it
I took it
You stole it
I took it
You stole it
We're a family, I just took it
You fled from China with
only your underpants
If Dad didn't hire you
You'd have been starved to death
Right
So you two stole it
I took it
You stole it
I took it
Did he really hit me?
He did
Dad
You hit your wife!
I'll hit you too if you don't go away
I don't believe you
Dad, he wants to hit Sally too
My late wife wouldn't...
hit Ying
I wouldn't hit her
But you hit her, I'll kill you
Johnny, Johnny
I don't need ginseng,
herbs will do
Johnny, come out
Which hand did you use to...
hit Ying?
Where's the maternity ward?
Where do they bear children?
On the floor
You're out of your mind
Which hand did you use?
Stretch out the hand
you used to hit Ying
Don't you dare running away
Where's the maternity ward?
I didn't know you're deaf
Where's the maternity ward?
Go away or I'll cut you up
You don't even have eyebrows
So...
you've been practising hard
Why don't you slit my throat too?
Go ahead and kill me
Kill me
if you've got guts
Are you all right?
I'm still alive
Johnny,
you won't be living luxuriously from now on
Go pack the underpants you brought
And move yourself and
your grandfather to a hut
Help! Help!
So you're staying here
Open the window
Are you all right, Johnny?
Are you okay?
Help! Help!
Have you gone nuts?
Why?
This hospital doesn't have...
a maternity ward
So where can I go?
I've prepared some ginseng...
for you
Why are you so nice?
Johnny hasn't been home for two weeks
Can you tell me,
where he is?
I don't know
Grandfather
Have some ginseng, Che
I don't like ginseng
Tell me where Johnny is
I've been looking all over for him
You must know where he is
Tell him I've made him some ginseng
How would I know
where your husband is?
Did you find Johnny?
I've been to all the places
he usually go
But I couldn't find him
You have to find him for me
You told me to shoot him
Did you really shoot him?
He fell down
Where did he end up?
How would I know?
Would he have killed himself?
If he die,
you could marry again
Find him,
or I'll kill myself
I want to die
Don't do that
It's dangerous
You'll die if you jump
Grandfather
You're back
Pack your things
Where are we going?
We're moving to a hut
No problem
We won't be starved
Johnny
I brought these underpants from China
Don't take it seriously
I was drunk
I'm going to...
let you take care of the restaurant
These are the keys
You've already shaved...
my eyebrows
Wouldn't you forgive me?
You talk to your own husband
Beg him to stay!
Have some ginseng, Johnny
No
Have some
I stole it
No, you took it
I stole it
You took it
I stole it
You took it
Johnny,
come off this arguing nonsense
I stole it
Johnny
Have some
How is it?
Not salty enough
I'll add some salt
What do you say?
The witch doctor's cherry...
really worked
I've been pregnant for a month
Congratulations
Let's celebrate with a drink
Let's go and have a drink
What are you doing?
Didn't you say we're moving?
I was only kidding,
go back to sleep
No problem
Wait for me downstairs, I'm getting the cat
No way
I'm going out
I'm going to the bar
The ginseng will be ready when you come back
I'm so happy I can fly